Letters from America-2

Friends, Family, Foes,

As we bid our final 'byes' to folks in Cleveland, a note with a US dateline isn't a bad idea. Anyways who cares if it's a good or a bad idea-an idea is an idea. Oops, did I touch a wrong nerve with all those who bought Idea stock. What a bad idea.

Since, Ideas no longer flourish in an ever mechanising US, (some say from the day you are born till you die you ain't need to use your hands and brains- yes, there's a machine to do all that) there are a few lessons to be shared.

Lesson number one, if you are a tourist, remain one. Don't plan to jump your visa. This advice comes from none other than the Nawab of Saharnpur. Well he thought he was one, till he touched base with Uncle Sam. He came here twenty five years ago and hasn't taken off his apron.

'Karchi maar Nawab,' he is now.

The moment he heard someone order 'scotch' in his restaurant 'India Garden' he came out running to give his tip, for scotch meant, desis had come visiting. Ironical, how desi and scotch go hand in hand. And how tips in America can come in word form too. By the way the new tip rate is 20%.

I must confess I took this tip business to a new high-from mere words to distributing books. Sikhs Unlimited, I mean. All the bartenders including the mems around my neighbourhood have the book by now. And the last I heard was, they were trying to figure out why my host had a net around his beard.

The second lesson folks is don't get deceived by the words' Fat –Free'. What it actually means is- Fat is freely available so accumulate it as much as you want. So much so for Bush saying it's because of the Indians that the world is hungry. A sale banner at a shop- 'Rock Bottom prices-Even lower than Bush's IQ' perhaps explains my point.
The third lesson friends, is culinary in nature. Of shoving a beer can in a chicken's backside, when bar-be cuing it. The logic is that it keeps the meat tender and juicy. Adiraj promises to share this master recipe with his class teacher –Cookie Marawah. Those from Chandigarh would know that besides teaching, class four children, she teaches cooking to housewives...I mean house makers. You never know where the moral police has its beat-box.

Well the fourth advice is if you are visiting a water-park carry your swimming trunks. Getting caught with clothes in a water-park is like you wife catching you with your pants down. You know what i mean. I paid 40$ to for a swimming trunk.

My book Mending Souls is complete. It seems enough of soul hemming has taken place and I need to get back to Chhauni at the earliest. That's where they transform you; back to human form-teaching you to live to the hilt. I'll be there next week onwards, so feel free to drop in for the final lesson-Chak de.
Cheers
Khushwant to some Komal to many.