Friday, September 19, 2008

Boys will be Boys

Dear Friends and Foes,

I have been entrusted with this dishonourable job of putting down last night's (18th) events- the big 89' batch bash at CGA. Dishonourable, not because we are dishonourable men -how can we be with the likes of Jewel, Heera-Moti et, etc, but because all our deeds were re-lived. Re-lived to the extent that our 'gangster friend' (Khanna of-course, not Sandhu) was up on a chair and with the oratory skills of Mark Antony, lucidly explained the intricacies involved while growing up. Seema Malik, Ms.Khan, and Bela Dogra all got due coverage. With wives being all ears to Khanna , we had to use the services of Honorary monitor, Sandhu, to get him down to earth. 'My son counted Khanna uncle going up, four times.

This glimpse should be enough to give you an idea of the amount of 'daroo' that must have flowed, but it was the attendance which made all the difference. It was indeed a pleasure to meet Dr. Jewel Johl after nineteen years, flanked by his wife and two year old daughter, Nimr. Mr. Kackaria still looks the same and his son goes to Strawberry Fields, his faith in Atul Khanna's education restored after the events of last night. Thank god he didn't hear Gauri and Chadha on the conference call that was taking place on the lush lawns of CGA. The bright side being that we are hi-tech and understand what conference call is all about.

Another move that picked up momentum was to convert our very own Salman Khan to his 'patka' days. The latest Bollywood news is that even Salman has donned the turban in an upcoming movie, so Lohwie (fcuk, i can't figure out how to spell his name) can have the muscles but 'amirt shako' at the same time. Luckily, the SGPC has no restriction on 'muscles'.

Did some one say SGPT-SGOT (Liver levels) because our opthamologist (eye) friend Dr. Sandeep Janjua also had a lot of information to share about 'liver disorders' and keenly hearing him out was our 'Gill Baiji'. Here is a live account-"Yaar, Janjuay whiskey te liver di maan chod dindi hai'. Oye waiter, ek peg de". Poor liver. The rumour is that Jewel has actually made an inventory of all abuses hurled by Gill Bhaji en-route to Solan , on Tuesday.

The other topic that came up for consideration was about posting pictures of 'nangi kudiyaan' on our group. Sorry, Mr.Pramanik, in your absence we abused you like hell. But then, you shouldn't have objected to such juicy idea. Mr. Lohwe Pahwa you can go ahead but with a warning note. For example you don't want to embarrass Abishek opening this mail in his office-he can't be seen looking at 'tits' in his Manhattan office.

We also had the privilege of having Tejroop's older brother Navjot at the party. Sammy claims the 'Sehmi brothers' were Chandigarh's very own Michael Jacksons, something that was confirmed by Jewel. He vividly recalled Tejroop's private dance performances to Khan and Dogri and how he was privy to it through the shadow.

I can go on and on because nostalgia was at its peak, jhappis-pappis the warmest, and the clamour so familiar, but I must stop, for I know our reading capacity very well. And I'm no Bro. Burk who can enforce this damn piece. But one thing is for sure, there's nothing like meeting old bum-chums. And guess what- no wife cribbed the isolation. Perhaps they enjoyed seeing the 'boy' in their husbands.

Cheers
Khushwant

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Letters from America-1

Friends , Family, Foes,

Before I dwell on my activities in the US nocturnal , (actually not, because the sun sets at 10PM), or daytime, I must assure you that I have not been affected whatsoever by the company I am keeping. The 'Sardar Jee' (Mr.Ratanjit Sondhe) I am with, is a gentleman who has very profound thoughts, of how to earn millions and not drink alcohol. This next line vindicates my earlier statement-"Since I have been walking to the local bars, the authorities here don't know whether 'drunken walking' is a FBI offence."

On a serious note, landing in the US was deja-vu , same buildings, cars, typical restaurants - (How you doin tonite. Table for two- ahem..follow me). Damn, now someone will ask who is this second person. Different names for different people. Consider this, If my wife calls she's worried it could be a mem- friends call they are worried-damn he's got a mem-mom calls she's concerned if i am close by where I can get an egg-beater-and for dad and Adi they're visiting me so they can see for themselves. Visiting? Guys, I have my own little house in greater Cleveland. I mean the gentleman I am staying with has provided one. Typical Punjabi mindset-even a rented house seems like your own. Pushpi and Hydra, nothing to worry- we are gonna complete our Chandigarh house by October. Malu's working hard.

Work is OK and I should have the first typescript of 'Mending Souls' (my second book)ready by end of June. The weather's been moody. However, the good part being that I haven't sneezed in a month. Spent couple of days in Denver, and sure enough there was this little girl aksin her mom-what sort of a Cowboy is this mom? Any answers? He's the Rodeo from Chhauni(my native village), I wanted to tell her but then you never know who you offend in this country. Never even do 'puch puch' to someones pet -you could be charged of tormenting the poor little Saint Bernard.

Mr.Sondhe is calling , I must go.More later.

Hope everyone is fine and the heat is not bothering you guys too much. And by the way, has Punjab become 'Power Surplus". Pardon me for my ignorance but that's the last I heard when I was leaving. Kaka Ji saying something to the effect-Apna Punjab to be power surplus.Power , no power or Power Struggle, I care a damn-I'm gonna be back next month-Back home -to be amongst my own.

Cheeran te Beeran
Komal/Khushwant

Letters from America-2

Friends, Family, Foes,

As we bid our final 'byes' to folks in Cleveland, a note with a US dateline isn't a bad idea. Anyways who cares if it's a good or a bad idea-an idea is an idea. Oops, did I touch a wrong nerve with all those who bought Idea stock. What a bad idea.

Since, Ideas no longer flourish in an ever mechanising US, (some say from the day you are born till you die you ain't need to use your hands and brains- yes, there's a machine to do all that) there are a few lessons to be shared.

Lesson number one, if you are a tourist, remain one. Don't plan to jump your visa. This advice comes from none other than the Nawab of Saharnpur. Well he thought he was one, till he touched base with Uncle Sam. He came here twenty five years ago and hasn't taken off his apron.

'Karchi maar Nawab,' he is now.

The moment he heard someone order 'scotch' in his restaurant 'India Garden' he came out running to give his tip, for scotch meant, desis had come visiting. Ironical, how desi and scotch go hand in hand. And how tips in America can come in word form too. By the way the new tip rate is 20%.

I must confess I took this tip business to a new high-from mere words to distributing books. Sikhs Unlimited, I mean. All the bartenders including the mems around my neighbourhood have the book by now. And the last I heard was, they were trying to figure out why my host had a net around his beard.

The second lesson folks is don't get deceived by the words' Fat –Free'. What it actually means is- Fat is freely available so accumulate it as much as you want. So much so for Bush saying it's because of the Indians that the world is hungry. A sale banner at a shop- 'Rock Bottom prices-Even lower than Bush's IQ' perhaps explains my point.
The third lesson friends, is culinary in nature. Of shoving a beer can in a chicken's backside, when bar-be cuing it. The logic is that it keeps the meat tender and juicy. Adiraj promises to share this master recipe with his class teacher –Cookie Marawah. Those from Chandigarh would know that besides teaching, class four children, she teaches cooking to housewives...I mean house makers. You never know where the moral police has its beat-box.

Well the fourth advice is if you are visiting a water-park carry your swimming trunks. Getting caught with clothes in a water-park is like you wife catching you with your pants down. You know what i mean. I paid 40$ to for a swimming trunk.

My book Mending Souls is complete. It seems enough of soul hemming has taken place and I need to get back to Chhauni at the earliest. That's where they transform you; back to human form-teaching you to live to the hilt. I'll be there next week onwards, so feel free to drop in for the final lesson-Chak de.
Cheers
Khushwant to some Komal to many.

Letters from America

Dated-14th, May, 2008.

Friends , Family, Foes,

Before I dwell on my activities in the US nocturnal , (actually not, because the sun sets at 10PM), or daytime, I must assure you that I have not been affected whatsoever by the company I am keeping. The 'Sardar Jee' (Mr.Ratanjit Sondhe) I am with, is a gentleman who has very profound thoughts, of how to earn millions and not drink alcohol. This next line vindicates my earlier statement-"Since I have been walking to the local bars, the authorities here don't know whether 'drunken walking' is a FBI offence."

On a serious note, landing in the US was deja-vu , same buildings, cars, typical restaurants - (How you doin tonite. Table for two- ahem..follow me). Damn, now someone will ask who is this second person. Different names for different people. Consider this, If my wife calls she's worried it could be a mem- friends call they are worried-damn he's got a mem-mom calls she's concerned if i am close by where I can get an egg-beater-and for dad and Adi they're visiting me so they can see for themselves. Visiting? Guys, I have my own little house in greater Cleveland. I mean the gentleman I am staying with has provided one. Typical Punjabi mindset-even a rented house seems like your own. Pushpi and Hydra, nothing to worry- we are gonna complete our Chandigarh house by October. Malu's working hard.

Work is OK and I should have the first typescript of 'Mending Souls' ready by end of June. The weather's been moody. However the good part being that I haven't sneezed in a month. Spent couple of days in Denver, and sure enough there was this little girl aksin her mom-what sort of a Cowboy is this mom? Any answers? He's the Rodeo from Chhauni, I wanted to tell her but then you never know who you offend in this country. Never even do 'puch puch' to someones pet -you could be charged of tormenting the poor little Saint Bernard.

Mr.Sondhe is calling , I must go.More later.

Hope everyone is fine and the heat is not bothering you guys too much. And by the way, has Punjab become 'Power Surplus". Pardon me for my ignorance but that's the last I heard when I was leaving. Kaka Ji saying something to the effect-Apna Punjab to be power surplus.Power , no power or Power Struggle, I care a damn-I'm gonna be back next month-Back home -to be amongst my own.

Cheeran te Beeran
Komal/Khushwant

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Journey Successful


Cheers!
SIKHS UNLIMITED is in its third print.

It's a travelogue from UK to US, featuring extraordinary Sikh men and women.

Get your copy today-
www.amazon.com
www.easternbookcorporation.com

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Wow ! Some signboards, these !

1) Operation, Desert Sex (Jaisalmer)

2) A sign on the Hoshiarpur-Chandigarh road.


3) A warning sign at Jim Corbett National Park (Uttaranchal, India)


4) Graffiti mars Chandigarh signboards !


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Friday, February 1, 2008

Sikh Diaspora Versus India

During the course of travel for my first book, to the west, I was astonished to listen to some of the views a section of Sikhs held.Even after almost one and a half decades of Punjab terrorism being comprehensively quelled and necessary balm (though not of very high quality) being applied, some of them not only rabidly hold an anti-Indian government stance, but a few still think Khalistan is feasible.

Also, during the travel, I observed that the west, especially America,was never so unsafe for the Sikhs as post 9/11. Many Sikhs had been targeted, some even killed by ignorant people who mistook the Sikhs,because of their turbans and flowing beards, as Arabs.

Being a community that has a natural instinct for survival and enterprise I was particularly interested in examining how the Sikhswere grappling with a post 9/11 America. While one of the significant outcomes of these circumstances has been the unprecedented rise of Sikh activism in America in terms of mushroom growth of Sikh advocacy organizations, the most note worthy is the dual policy adopted by those few maverick Sikhs who think that India as a country is Sikhs worst enemy. A sad situation by all means as India is from where we get our social, cultural and moral values.

Anybody who has traveled to the West in the last six years would agree that for a brown skin person the safest bet is calling himself an Indian. I know of several Pakistanis and Bangladeshis whom I met in UK and USA who have been doing it for years.

Similarly, Sikhs who would enter into an animated discussion over why Sikhs urgently needed Khalistan, when confronted with a situation whereby someone mistook them for an Arab, would call out I'm not an Arab but from India.

Not only do they use this line when fearing a physical assault, but they continuously use it for business enhancement as Indians over the years have carved out a reputation of being hard-working and professional.

"I concede this point", said the Fresno doctor who had got into a heated argument and on the verge of kicking me out of his clinic because of my outburst accusing him has a lunatic expatriate, divorced from ground realities. "But before you leave, answer my one question," he barked? "How do you justify the storming of the Golden Temple, followed by the 1984 Sikh riots?"
A tough one, this!

Khushwant Singh has recently authored 'Sikhs Unlimited' (Rupa & Co). It's a travelogue from UK to USA, featuring fourteen extra ordinary Sikh menand women. This article is an observation, made during the travel.

Destination Punjab


No amount of flak is reason enough to justify that NRIconclaves, like the one hosted recently, by the Punjab Government and Punjab Chambers of Commerce should not be held, because interact we must.

Having said that, taking this conclave forward, out of the ambit of mere hype, would be something of a challenge which no government has been able to meet, as yet.NRI role in development of Punjab is a 'give and take' phenomenon with the Punjab Government attempting to send a message across that it wasready to meet all the demands, required to make Punjab a preffered destination.

While the NRI's have never failed the 'Punjab Chalo' call, the readiness factor of the Punjab government is always a matter of suspicion. Not that there is any doubt in government's intent, but because of the very way it functions ,the government inadvertentlyputs its own plans in jeopardy.Impolite airport staff, insensitive police and an arrogant bureaucracyhas been some of the main grudges of the NRIs. Given from the business climate the NRIs come from, this treatment does not come as a handy tool to woo them. Perhaps this is exactly what Ujjal Dosanjh, formerPremier of British Columbia, meant when he said, societal change is imperative to attract parvasis.

For many NRI's the attitude only confirms that nothing has changed.A systems check of business environment also does not augur well forNRI investment. Turbulent political climate surely puts them off,reminding them of Punjab's age hold history of power struggles. An ad hoc and opaque system of functioning also ruins Punjab's case. Sample this -a US based software company owned by an Indian has been looking for land in the Mohali IT Park. His fix is that while he is sitting on an investment amount of three million dollars , he cannot, as majorityof the transaction in Punjab is in black money and all his money isaccounted for.Or take NRI Lajpat Rai Munger's case who donated a multi-crore IT centre in Hoshiarpur to the Punjab University just because because he was fed up of corruption. He had set up the institute seven years ago in partnership with California State University, Fresno.

Vision Punjab is a long drawn process, akin to developing a cricket team for the World Cup. Look for quick results and you might end lagging behind even the minnows. Since a start is yet to be made, should Punjab be a destination fornew Gen next knowledge based businesses. Or should it just remain a speculators destination, buying and selling land. Real estate is a great money spinner, but for Gen next businesses and true state building, involving the younger generation Diaspora is imperative.

New Businesses, other than the land lollipop, need infrastructure, HRD resource, high bandwidth, efficient and comfortable transport system,power and roads. Heat, stench, traffic chaos and delays are the other significant deterrents, especially for the young generation. A few years ago a young NRI cardiologist who joined a leading Hospital in Mohali, left in a huff after he was beaten by goons on one of the main highways, while negotiating pot-holes. Taking him as a drunken driver,the doctor was beaten black and blue.

'Agenda Punjab' feel many top notch NRIs should foster to make Punjab a hot destination, where the mind is allowed to flow freely.Something like what a Xerox or Hewlett Packard did to Bay area in SanFrancisco. It has been said that new trends in America are invented inthe Bay Area, amplified in L.A. and then broadcast from New York.Perhaps, that's the way to go for Punjab, powering the mind.